Growing Up — Finding Something REAL

I remember many years ago, when my mom’s friend turned forty. My mom was ten years younger and 40 seemed SO OLD to me. I don’t remember if back then they celebrated with boxes of Depends, “Over the Hill” signs, and black streamers – but I’m pretty sure that was part of the general messaging. In my childhood understanding at least, forty was old. Forty was older than dirt. Turning forty was something people laughed at, and made jokes about, and put mean labels on with a wink-wink, nudge-nudge, slap on the back.

Our culture loves youth. And once you get to a certain age? Well…

There’s no going back.

And besides the general derogatory way our society treats people of a certain demographic or beyond, as a kid, nothing about aging seemed fun. I never imagined for example, the logistics of life after 40. I never dreamed about wrinkles, or gray hairs, or chin hairs (OMGosh that’s a thing), special medical procedures or sagging skin.

But here it comes.

And sometimes we act like those of us who are bothered by it are weirdly sensitive. Instead, I think those of us who are bothered by aging have just been paying close attention to the messaging of this western world.

But frankly, I am getting older. And I have two choices. I can pine for my youth and allow culture to dictate my relevance, OR

I can embrace this new season in my life. And laugh without fear for the days to come. (Proverbs 31).

Hmm… Mope or Celebrate?

I’m celebrating.

And honestly, the Bible helps me here with this resolve. It’s perspective on age and eternity anchors me. Because scripture talks about the wisdom that comes from age, the fleeting nature of outward beauty and the inner worth of a heart that’s devoted to God.

That’s all good stuff.

As Drew Berryessa recently said on the Finding Something REAL podcast, we were “made on purpose, for purpose.”

No matter what our age, we’ve got some purpose going on.

So in light of my celebratory mood and determination to embrace some truth instead of cultural lies, I’ve decided to reflect on some things I’ve learned over the years.

Here are 40 words of advice for my younger self…

1YR- It all starts and ends with family. Be nice, kid.

2YRS- Life is short. People will come and go. Cherish the love you receive when you receive it. Be nice to your siblings.

3YRS- Our time with grandparents is especially limited. Don’t miss the opportunity to love and spend time with them- even if it feels silly at the time. You will miss them when they’re gone.

4YRS- Change is never easy. But being resistant to change makes it so much worse.

5YRS- Go with the flow on most things. But be willing to stand up for what you believe in.

6YRS- Daydreaming is nice. But set up some boundaries. Life is a balance of dreaming and doing the work to get the job done.

7YRS- Sharing about Jesus will get strange looks at times. #worthit

8YRS- Perms and short hair are not your best look.

9YRS- Popularity is overrated. Dare to be different and be a friend to those who need one. A person who has loyal friends is a rich person.

10YRS- When someone is insensitive and makes a remark about your hair being a frizzy mess or your skin being the wrong color, don’t let it define you. You’re beautiful just as God made you.

11YRS- Finish your stories. God gave you that story-telling gift for a reason.

12YRS- Even when you feel rejected, choose love. You are not a throw-away person.

13YRS- Following Jesus is about surrender. Not about being good enough. You will never be good enough. Christian faith is not about good works but about letting go. Until you get this, you will be miserable. Trust me.

14YRS- Don’t hit cute boys to get their attention. Even if the teacher says it’s okay and you think it’s funny. Violence is never a good idea.

15YRS- Those letters you’re secretly writing to your future husband? Not a bad idea.

16YRS- Searching for worth in people’s acceptance of you is an exhausting game that will end in a lot of pain and disappointment.

17YRS- And BTW, Hold people’s opinions of you loosely. Just because a Christian says something doesn’t mean it’s gospel truth. Don’t let those opinions make you. God designed you and He gets the say. Don’t avoid doing something for 20 years because someone said something about what you couldn’t do. That’s God territory.

18YRS- You know that dream you have to move to New York? You’re young. You got the invitation. Don’t overthink everything. Apply to multiple colleges. Pray. And then go.

19YRS- If he doesn’t call you on your birthday, and you’re still involved with him- take a hint and let him go.

20YRS- Chocolate and ice cream are temporary fixes that will backfire later in life. Everything in moderation. Your future thighs and autoimmune flare-ups will thank you.

21YRS- Enjoy the city-life. But stop with the credit cards already.

22YRS-Worry is about control. That verse you have memorized? That one from Philippians 4:6 & 7? You’re on the right track. Keep giving thanks and remembering who’s in charge.

23YRS- There isn’t a young man on earth who will meet all your expectations. Be gracious to that kind man God brought into your life. Go read “Sacred Marriage” by Gary Thomas. It will help you see him through new eyes.

24YRS- Those internal thoughts of self-hatred, doubt, fear, rejection? Yeah, those are toxic and creating pain around you. Start replacing them with truth about what God says about you. “Believing God” a study by Beth Moore is going to radically help you in this area. Do the hard work.

25YRS- Your worth is not determined on how much power you have or how special your job is- though you’ll always be grateful to have been an advocate/counselor.

26YRS- Some years are just hard. It’s okay to be in pain. Hold onto truth and hope.

27YRS- You love to travel. And the Creator of this world loves diversity. Every new place reveals more about His character. Just start saving.

28YRS- Becoming a mother is scary stuff. You’ll never be perfect at it. Embrace grace.

29YRS- Stories are powerful. If you want someone to feel loved, simply listen.

30YRS- If someone can make you feel like a zero by blaming you for their own pain, it’s probably time to get help. Pay for some professional counseling.

31YRS- Running after success is exhausting. What is success anyway? Stop comparing. Run your own race.

32YRS- Sometimes the best gift you can give yourself is to rest in and cherish the present. But if the present is a dirty house, hungry kids, and overflowing toilets? Phone a friend.

33YRS- Bitterness is a poison. Forgive as He forgave you.

34YRS- You’ll never regret investing in your children. And if your husband says he likes to cook? Believe him.

35YRS- Jesus Christ wants it all. If He’s really who He says He is- He’s worth it. Trust Him. Check out “Crazy Love.”

36YRS- You don’t have to agree with someone to deeply love them.

37YRS- Don’t cry in the diaper aisle when the changing diapers season is over. C’mon now.

38YRS- Stop. making excuses and just do the thing scared.

39YRS- Wrinkles happen faster than you’d think. You should probably wash your face.

40YRS- When someone gives you bifocals for your birthday, laugh and save them for later. You’re probably going to need them.

I read an earlier version of this list to my kids and they thought it was pretty good.

That gives me hope that maybe by the time they’re my age, they’ll believe what their mother keeps preaching to herself and to them- to give thanks for the years God has provided, embrace the present with an open and humble heart, and be filled with hope for whatever the future holds.

We’ll see. :)

“Even when I am old and gray, do not forsake me, my God, till I declare your power to the next generation, your mighty acts to all who are to come.”

Psalm 71:18