Dear Wife (Confessions, Book Review & Giveaway)
This month so far has been full of ironies.
I knew I’d be talking about marriage and the concept of “living happily ever after” over on the Finding Something Real podcast this month. I knew I wanted to invite my husband, Brian, to along with me, share our mistakes and victories. I knew being vulnerable about our marriage was part of the plan.
And I had no problem with all that.
Brian and I talked about our ups and downs on the Finding Something Real podcast this month. We enjoyed sharing our love story.
But instead of feeling close to my spouse lately- during the month of love for heaven’s sake- it’s been kinda distance-ville over here. We’ve had a series of silly but rather unfortunate relationship trials this week. We’ve been busy. And when we’ve actually spent time together it’s been one ridiculous thing after another.
For example: let’s just say if you’re a man married to a romantic type and you’re ever at a Valentines banquet and they’re playing a version of the newlywed game and your wife (who took a shower and actually did her hair for you) playfully asks what’s the one word you’d use to describe her and you answer with a word that does not carry with it, um, positive connotations, you might be right. But you’ll be sorry.
Yes, I know. I’m the most loving wife ever.
Truth: I’ve been a little irritated with my husband lately. And I’m sure he’s been irritated with me too.
And then this morning, after arriving home late from running around doing last minute Valentines' Day shopping for the whole family, with a busy day of work obligations planned and having less than five minutes to greet my husband before he left for work, there was his Valentines gift for me: a bouquet of dark orange roses on the table.
Several were wilting. Just like my romantic mood.
Because… I’m not a huge fan of orange roses.
And all I could think was, “How could my husband of 15 years get me orange roses for Valentines Day? He knows I don’t like orange roses!”
I opened the card that read, “To My Wonderful Wife… I see how patient you are, and know how much kindness you have to give...”
You’ve got to be kidding me. Was he mocking me now?
So after he left, I may have had a sincere emotion fest (aka a fit).
Sigh.
Now, I would like to be the saintly woman who takes the roses in her arms and gushes about the gift of a man who even makes the effort. A woman who remembers the perspective that not everyone has a godly husband who loves and cherishes her and makes dinner and provides and loves his kids well… Bless you saintly women who automatically respond with patience when your husband has disappointed you and you turn the other cheek.
Bless you saintly woman for whom the Hallmark card my husband bought for me was really designed to celebrate…
But it takes me more than a while for me to get anywhere near patient and kind when I’m disappointed. And sometimes I make a fool of myself in the in-between space. I had to full-on apologize to my husband and my children this morning for my attitude. And truth is, that whole passage in the Bible that talks about love being patient, kind, and keeping no record of wrongs? (1 Corinthians 13.) It’s a challenge. Because I’m a selfish person with selfish desires and it doesn’t come naturally to want to forgive- even when the transgression is something as ridiculous as a wrong-colored flower.
Oh, and irony: There was this book I’d been invited to review awhile back and give away, and what was it? Oh yeah, Dear Wife: 10 Minute Invitations to Practice Connection with Your Husband.
Don’t ever tell me God doesn’t have a sense of humor.
A book dedicated to “all the wives.”
The last time I picked up a marriage book when I was frustrated with my spouse, it was Kathi Lipp’s The Husband Project. For some reason I thought by the title it was about fixing my husband. . Instead it was more about fixing my heart posture. At the time, I found it irritatingly helpful….Then okay, a little helpful... Then yes, encouraging/helpful.
I quickly found Dear Wife to have a similar message about heart posture. A thoughtful book geared for all wives, even the dramatic ones like me.
I loved this explanation in the introduction, “Try to remember that you’re not reading this book in expectation that your husband will change or meet you where you are. You are reading this book to work on your own heart, trusting that God will use it to deepen connection with Himself and with your husband.” (pg. XVIII)
Ugh. But what if I want my husband to start being more romantic? Where’s the book on changing him?
You won’t find that in this book. But what you’ll find instead, what I found instead, is a truth-filled, grace-filled, invitation to draw closer to God and in turn, offer an invitation to your husband to connect with you.
I’m not gonna lie. This book is about connection but it’s really about surrender. Which, for someone like me, does not come easy nor is it something I naturally desire. What about my rights? What about my spouse changing? Why do I have to be the one to change?
Love is not self-seeking… Ugh.
Somehow this book reminds me of the invitation Jesus gave when he said, “Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest.” (Matthew 11:28)
There are twenty-six ten minute invitations in this book, each one set up like a devotion with biblical truths, reflection questions, and intentional space to connect with God and with your spouse.
It’s a great book. And if like me, especially around Valentines Day, you struggle with comparison and frustration? This may be the book you need to remind you that better connection with your spouse may start with being open to a deeper connection to your Savior.
Perspective changes everything, doesn’t it? It’s the truth. And truth sets us free. And I need reminders on how to love better. I want to actually accept these quiet invitations to meditate on the truth of God’s Word, check my heart, and see my attitude shifted. Even when it’s been a week of disappointments or detours.
And honestly Dear Wife isn’t just a book, it’s part of a non-profit movement geared towards creating wives who thrive. The book is a compilation of 17 contributors, a team founded by Amanda Davison. They also have a Facebook group, so if you need community or want to know more, you can check them out at A Wife Like Me on Facebook or Instagram.
Speaking of Instagram, I have an extra book to give away, (and don’t worry, I’m keeping a copy for myself. God knows I need it). But maybe you need this book, too. One winner will receive the book and a bar of chocolate, not because you need chocolate but because chocolate is one of God’s gifts and I’m on a sugar fast and I have a delicious Godiva bar that’s been taunting me in this house. It’s all yours if you win. You can enter to win the Dear Wife book giveaway from me in two separate ways. Either 1) You can comment below and tell me your favorite relationship advice you’ve received OR 2) Follow me on Instagram, find the photo of this book shared today on my page, and tag a friend. This is giveaway is open now until 11:59PM PST, February 20th. I’ll choose one random winner next Friday morning and announce the winner on Instagram next Friday before noon (February 21st). You can also read more or purchase a copy of the Dear Wife book right here.
Oh, and here’s the rest of that love passage. Something to meditate on. I promise to try while I admire the beautiful orange roses right in front of me.
