Collateral Damage

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I remember the first time someone betrayed me.

I was four. She was my favorite person in the entire world. She told me how special I was and how much she loved me. Then she walked out the door. I’ll never forget her leaving me. For the next sixteen years she’d be in and out of my life, at times, showering me with affection when it served her interests. At other times, discarding me like I was nothing when it was inconvenient to have me around. As a young woman, I often wondered how foolish I must have been to love someone so deeply who only pretended to love me back.

 When I was twelve, I found out that a young man who had been part of my extended family for six years had actually been living under a horrible guise. He- with whom we had shared holiday meals, Sunday church services and the closeness of daily life with- was actually severely abusive to his immediate family. My loved one and her children fled after he had held her at knifepoint and threatened her life. I was only a preteen, but I remember the fear and shock that reverberated through my family of origin. How could we have been so close to someone and not seen it?

 When I was twenty-five, another family member, one who passionately professed a love for Jesus Christ, shocked everyone with an announcement of a devastating marriage infidelity leaving a spouse who would go on to turn from Christian faith. I remember looking at my husband when I first found out- whom I trusted with all my heart- and admitting, “I don’t know if you can ever know anyone because I trusted that person to not cheat on their spouse, the same way I trust you.”

 A few months ago, I heard heartbreaking initial reports about a man whom I had loved and adored from afar. He was someone who’s teachings and words I had played over YouTube during dark times of my soul and during seasons when I just wanted equipping. I looked up to him. When he died suddenly last year after a short bout with cancer, like so many thousands across the world, I grieved his loss. I’ve had the privilege of speaking with several people from his organization on my podcast and their kindness made me like him more. I said wonderful things about him publicly many times. And when credible allegations surfaced, I wondered again, as I have so many times in my life, how did I miss it? How did I give my affections to someone who wasn’t who he said he was?

I asked a pastor a few months ago, how he deals with hypocrites- you know, people who profess Jesus and then do ugly things.

He basically told me the same thing I felt Jesus impress upon my heart when the other day, I felt so frustrated with some really ugly versions of Christianity.

You want to know the  key to dealing with the betrayal and disappointments of other people?

It starts with looking at God and then looking at ourselves.

In other words, I’m the one who falls short. I’m the hypocrite.

I’m the one who loves Jesus and then does ugly things.

I’m the one who betrays. I’m the one who hurts people. I’m the one who walks away. I’m the one who has a sin problem. I’m the one who needs a savior.

I recently listened to a pastor named Charles Price describe sin as “the extent to which you and I fail to portray the truth about God.”

Price shared a rather poignant made-up illustration of aliens coming to our planet with just one question, “Who is God?” The aliens thought they would discover God by observing human behavior. So in the story, upon arriving here, they opened up the newspaper ands started reading the daily headlines. Those aliens quickly made depressing observations. According to their research the God of the Universe must be associated with pride, greed, decay, betrayal, lies, and misery…

Ouch.

I believe only God can know the deep consequences of our individual failures. While any sin separates us from God, some collateral damage is visibly more egregious than others. I take comfort in knowing that God sees all things, cares about the hurting, and He alone will be the final judge.

But until the Day of Judgment, we are here. And like any faith-jolting experience that cuts deep, especially the ones perpetrated by those we trust, we have to choose. Will we turn from God or turn to Him? And over and over in my life at least, I’ve found that turning to Him is the only option for me. Whether I find myself as the one who’s been blindsided by sin or the one perpetuating it.

I have been the betrayed and the betrayer.

Either way, the remedy is the same.

I know the God who loves me even in my brokenness and pain- the kind that’s self-inflicted and the kind that comes from collateral damage and either way, He longs for me to come to Him and discover the REALness that He alone offers.

I need Jesus.

I want something REAL that only He offers.

Restoration. Who else can rescue and heal me from my brokenness and sinful nature? Only Jesus.

Eternity. Who else offers the hope and gift of eternal life without tears or fear or striving or pain? Only Jesus.

Authenticity. Who else sees all of me and loves me just as I am- no pretenses or facades or faking it? Only Jesus.

Love. Who else offers unconditional grace based not on my own merit, but on His perfect character? Only Jesus.

When people fail me, I have to remind myself, that God is not people. And He’s still in the restoration, eternity, authenticity and love business. Like it says in Hebrews 13:8, “Jesus Christ is the same yesterday and today and forever.”

So whether it’s an idolized pastor with millions of followers who cheats on his wife, a popular ministry leader known for his integrity who secretly sexually abuses vulnerable women, a family member who advertises for Jesus but lives in bitterness and hatred, or the person in the mirror who wrestles with selfishness, pride, and laziness… We’re all failing to portray the truth about God.

Our lies about who God is are probably worse than we can imagine. But God will judge. And we are here. And as one author wrote, “We are called to love, not much else matters.”

And the more time I spend with Jesus Christ, the more I see me for who I truly am- a broken sinner saved by grace- who has been set free from the law of sin and death (Romans 8:2). And when I see Him, and I see me, I can’t help but love others with what I receive from Him.

This morning, my husband and I were reading the first chapter in the Bible book of Acts. Scripture describes Jesus having just left the disciples to be with His Father in Heaven. He had promised the disciples the Holy Spirit. He had told them they were to be His witnesses. They were destined for important work. But Christ was gone. Really gone. And they were left to deal with betrayal. Judas, the one who is described as being one of them- a personal friend and important part of their ministry- had betrayed Jesus to be crucified and then in shame, went and killed himself. And here they were, being left to pick up the pieces.

And you know what those disciples did? They gathered together and they prayed. And then they moved on to continue the work God had called them to do. And one of the things they prayed was, “Lord, you know everyone’s heart. Show us…” (Acts 1:24b)

And wherever you’re at today- whether feeling like the one who has betrayed God’s character and feeling shame or the one on the receiving end of someone else’s betrayal and feeling hurt, the God of the Universe invites you to meet Him there. He loves you. He welcomes you.  He knows your heart. And He offers amazing grace to everyone that we then can extend to those around us.